


so far it's all right

by vivalagay



Series: #stanhoneypup (honeypup one shots) [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Disabled Character, Fluff and Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, soloist!jh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-19 19:07:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivalagay/pseuds/vivalagay
Summary: Seven thousand miles apart, Minhyuk and Jooheon try their best to hold on.





	so far it's all right

"Hyukkie."

It's after a while that Minhyuk hears his voice, low and groggy from the speakers of his earphones. The yawn against his ears is soft with this faint sound of bedsprings creaking, and it makes Minhyuk feel a little self-conscious calling when he knows it's nearly 3AM for Jooheon, when they'd already spoken to each other six hours ago and Minhyuk fought against his heavy eyelids to not fall asleep so early. He's just, well, still getting the hang of this gap. This vast distance that's left them with just _this._ Late night FaceTime audio calls and words they hope to be enough to fill the space between them. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Minhyuk innocently smiles, although it's not much of the truth. He drags himself from the bed and pulls opens the curtains, the sunlight releasing into the room before he's plopping onto his bed again of documents and unorganized information saved on his tablet. "Seems that you've found a good place to sleep for the night."

"Sure," he whispers, chuckling lightly. "We're at some creepy motel on the highway."

Minhyuk laughs and absently pushes at the hair on his forehead. "Baby, that sounds gross."

"It's pretty gross." He laughs, too, quietly, probably into his hand with big cheeks and squinted eyes. "My manager wanted to sleep in a bed tonight, though, so."

"Please don't get a rash."

"I can't really promise that." He quietly laughs again, and then exhales softly. The bedsprings creak again. "I forgot to tell you that I'm going to look for an apartment in a few hours."

"Your own apartment? Wow."

"Yeah, I think Daniel's getting tired of me crashing at his place so often."

"I'm sure he isn't." Minhyuk doesn't quite have any more to say in this since as far as his knowledge of Daniel Im goes is that he's just some guy in the music business Jooheon talks to and crashes at his place to keep himself from having to spend all of his money on other odd motels for the last five months he's been in Atlanta.

"I don't agree," Jooheon replies, laughing still. "It's a little exciting, though. I'll update you, okay?"

"Can't wait," Minhyuk smiles.

It's silent then.

He plays with the skinny string of his shorts, picturing a small, dark motel room. Tiny beds with stiff, scratchy sheets, and Jooheon's fluffy, bed hair and droopy eyelids. He wonders if the moon is seeping through the blinds of the motel room, giving off a little light for Jooheon to see, and he wonders how he'd fit into this picture. 

It's nice — imagining them in a bed too small, their legs having to tangle to fit two bodies. The two of them curled into each other underneath the covers, and Jooheon's arms around his waist, easing his head into his chest where it's secure and warm.

The thought tugs at his heart, fucking unbearable and torturous, much as any other thought of how he could be with Jooheon right now, kissing him and holding him as tight as he can. But it's just simply what they're working with right now. Minhyuk knows, in the end, it'll get easier, as anything.

Jooheon yawns. "Was there something you needed to tell me, Hyukkie?"

"Not really. Sorry about that."

"You woke me up for nothing?" his boyfriend playfully whines. "I was having a good dream, you know!"

Minhyuk lets out a laugh, pushing the tablet and documents aside. He knows that Jooheon doesn't mind the late calls. Minhyuk feels the space between them almost tempestuously. It's strange being left behind. It's strange always having Jooheon within his reach, always just there, and then having him being so far away from him for so long, and Jooheon tries to do the best that he can to compensate for the distance. Almost as if he's making up for being the one to leave, as if he believes that somehow Minhyuk is angry with him.

"I'm sorry," Minhyuk grumbles. "I'm just —" _Lonely. Missing you too much._ "Bored with reading these job applications."

"Ah, well, change your scenery, and then get back to it."

"Yeah, yeah, I will." The older boy slumps against the headboard, almost as if he's deflated, fingers absently fiddling with the the strings of his shorts again. "Jooheon-ah, I love you."

"I love you, too," he replies almost instantly.

"You get some sleep, okay?  Listen, I'm going to give you a goodnight kiss."

"I'm listening."

Minhyuk brings the mic of his earphones close to his puckered lips and waits, listening for the sound of bedsprings to quiet, before giving the air a quick kiss. "You hear that, baby?"

"Yeah," Jooheon chuckles, raspy in Minhyuk's ears. He kisses him back, chuckling again, and Minhyuk imagines that Jooheon's small hands are resting on his cheeks when he leans into him. "I love you."

"I love you more. Sleep well, okay?"

"I will," Jooheon sings, and then he hangs up.

A small sigh escapes Minhyuk's lips at the silence he's left in, the room once again feeling a little too empty without the sound of Jooheon's voice. His eyes find the photo of Jooheon set as his home screen, a little blurry and unfocused, but perfect.

He'd taken it sitting beside him, their hands intertwined on the seats of a subway, and snapping it the second his boyfriend had turned around at the sound of his name. Jooheon always whines about how much he hates it, because it was too sudden, but Minhyuk always thinks he's the cutest when he isn't trying.

He exhales with a smile tugging at his lips and sets his phone away on the nightstand.

_This gets easier._

 

 

 

. . . 

 

 

 

 

Minhyuk has always known that one day Jooheon would leave; though, in his head, the thought had always been something that'll just happen eventually. He always thought there'd be more mornings to kiss Jooheon's cheek at the kitchen counter, more times to hug Jooheon from behind and annoy him when he thinks that he's not paying enough attention to him. He always expects Jooheon leaving to just happen eventually so much that he's unsure what to do the day Jooheon comes home exhilarated, smiling so widely and kicking off his shoes so quickly that a sneaker flies off into the living room.

"My manager got me an interview with the record label!" Jooheon instantly tells him.

Minhyuk only manages to get one of his crutches cuffed to his forearm when Jooheon is against him, hugging him tightly. Minhyuk laughs. "You're kidding me!"

"I'm not kidding! They're interested in me. They want to meet me. They want to meet _me!"_   Minhyuk laughs again and Jooheon kisses him, his hands sliding onto his cheeks, smiling against his lips. It's the happiest that Minhyuk has seen his boyfriend in a while. He's smiling so brightly and holding him so tightly that even with Minhyuk's legs aching he just wishes this to last forever. "This could really be it, you know?"

"I know!" Minhyuk smiles. "Come on, let's get into more comfortable clothes. I'll make you a special dinner."

He doesn't need help to get his other crutch on, but Jooheon still holds it for Minhyuk to get the cuff onto his forearm before following him to the staircase.

"I have to pack tonight," Jooheon says from behind him. "I'm leaving for Atlanta in the morning."

Minhyuk misses the next step and stumbles.

It's not that severe of an error. Minhyuk is able to quickly find his balance again with Jooheon gripping him by the waist. His hand is firm on his arm when Minhyuk lowers himself on a step, lips pursed, trying to make sense of all of this.

"Hyung," Jooheon calls, wide-eyed, as if he'd been the one to almost fall, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Minhyuk murmurs. "I just — I thought you wouldn't have to go so far away."

"It's an American record label," he quietly explains, but Minhyuk already knows that. He knows that as well as he's always known that one day Jooheon would leave. "You could come with me if you want, Hyukkie."

"No, it's fine." A smile tugs on Minhyuk's lips. Slowly, he rests his head on Jooheon's shoulder, the younger boy's fingers grazing the back of Minhyuk's hand before he's gently resting his palm there. "I wish that we had more time."

"It's just an interview. I'll be back, okay? I'll come back to you."

"Yeah," Minhyuk grins, "I know."

 Jooheon is already leaning in when he looks up to kiss him. Minhyuk's hand finds Jooheon's face, brushing a thumb to his boyfriend's cheek, his smile staining his lips.

They kiss more before Jooheon leaves. When they're sharing dinner at the end of their bed. When Jooheon packs his bags with Minhyuk clinging onto his back. When Jooheon reaches over him and turns off the light by their bed, bumping their foreheads as Minhyuk pulls the younger boy into his chest with a soft smile, tapping a silent beat against his spine through the white tee shirt hanging off his frame. Minhyuk kisses Jooheon when he wakes up that morning with a shining face, their lips coming together over and over and over again before the cab pulls in front of their house and Jooheon has to leave him.

Minhyuk falls back to sleep eventually, sure there'll be more kisses.

 

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

 

"I found a few apartments that I like," Jooheon tells him.

Minhyuk glances at him on the screen of his phone, Jooheon walking through the streets of Atlanta sometime in noon with a blue cap over tousled, raven hair. It's past midnight for Minhyuk. His phone is perched against a book on his nightstand, wet hair hanging over his forehead. "You found a few apartments that you liked?" he repeats with the pop of a lotion bottle.

"Yeah." Jooheon lowers his phone as he walks, looking down at his boyfriend with each slow step along a sidewalk. "I looked for predominantly Korean communities mostly so that I won't have to speak English all the time, but I did find another complex that I really liked. I'm just interested in something really cheap, since I won't be there often."

He hums attentively, leaning into the camera as he rubs lotion into his cheeks. "Safe neighborhoods?"

"Uh," the younger boy smiles at him, "I can run fast."

Minhyuk laughs. 

"Are you about to go to sleep?" Jooheon asks. He pulls his phone closer to him with it turned the wrong way, the peak of his hat blocking the sunlight.

"Hm," Minhyuk hums, "only if you want me to."

"Is that a trick question?"

His lips slip into a smile. Minhyuk rubs the excess lotion into his hands and cups one under his chin, watching Jooheon's darkened face on the screen of his phone. "I love you, Jooheon-ah."

"I love you, too. So much."

"I wish that we could fall asleep together again," Minhyuk tells him. He's smiling, but he feels this weight gripping his chest, a lump in his throat. "The house feels so strange all the time. I mean, I've spending more and more time with my boutique, but it's like, I don't know, I'm always missing something without you here." 

"I know," Jooheon sighs. "It really sucks that things are like this."

They find themselves in a silence. Minhyuk lets out a yawn, and Jooheon finally enters a building, greeting whoever is out of Minhyuk's view with a wide smile. "Hyukkie," he eventually says, "we'll get through it, you know?"

"Yeah, of course," the older boy smiles.

"It won't be too long. It won't be like this forever," Jooheon promises him. "Things will be better for us, and we'll see each other as much as we want to. Like before."

It's what Jooheon tells him all the time, and Minhyuk knows it's only been five months since he's last seen Jooheon, but he feels as if it has been years, centuries, since he's had him in his arms. 

"I love you more than anything," Minhyuk whispers.

Jooheon smiles at this. "I know. I love you, too. More than anything."

He promises to stay with him until he falls asleep. Minhyuk rests the phone beside him on the bed and closes his eyes, silently listening to Jooheon's life in Atlanta. The revision of a song he's been working on even before he left, his manager announcing his arrival and possession of coffee and donuts, and moving some of the things stacked by the camera elsewhere. Minhyuk tries luring himself to sleep to the sound of their voices, and Jooheon still talking to him even as his breaths slow.

"Does this sound good, Hyukkie?" he hears him ask. Minhyuk isn't quite sure what he's even referring to, but he hums, anyway, nodding absently with droopy eyelids fluttered closed. Jooheon only laughs. "I'll ask you later. Sleep well."

There's an incomplete beat over and over again until Minhyuk is drifting off entirely, thinking of what it's like in Jooheon's world now, thinking once again of how he could exactly fit.

 

 

 

 

. . . 

 

 

 

Sometimes Minhyuk doesn't think he can do this. Everything feels too fucking empty. Their bed, their couch, their shower — things that are supposed to be theirs that don't feel as if they're really _theirs_ anymore. He misses Jooheon so much, too much, that there's so much anger and pain inside of him for Jooheon, because he left him, and so much anger and hatred for himself because he shouldn't wish that Jooheon didn't leave to follow his dreams. 

Sometimes Minhyuk cries until his face is swollen, until his ribcage feels as if it has caved in on itself. Sometimes he lies on his bed and places a hand on Jooheon's side, as if he can feel him in a way, and it's almost like he's heart breaks when his palm rests there and all he feels is nothing. Nothing, because Jooheon is seven thousand miles away. Nothing, because Jooheon hasn't slept there for five months. Nothing, because there's another life that he's developing on his own. Far away from Minhyuk. Without Minhyuk.

He doesn't think he can do this.

"I love you," Jooheon tells him, all the time. His voice always soft and always comforting. It sounds like a promise. A simple, short promise, that can really mean nothing. But it's all Jooheon can offer with the distance. Minhyuk knows that it's all he can say when he gets like this, and he knows that it's not nothing. He knows. He knows.

Jooheon makes promises that he will see him soon, but sometimes, it just feels like words. Minhyuk has been told this for five months. Soon, he will see Jooheon. Soon, he will hug and kiss Jooheon. Soon — a word with no value. Just a little meaningless word to wipe the tears from Minhyuk's cheeks, to get his breathing back to normal and force him to not stare at Jooheon's side of the bed too long. 

But he loves him. He does. And Jooheon loves him. Jooheon cares about him, and Jooheon wants to see him as badly as Minhyuk wants to. Minhyuk knows this. He just has to hold on a little longer.

So, he tries his best. He holds on when Jooheon finally moves into some small apartment that he likes with only one bedroom and a little twin bed, and he holds on when so many of his calls to Jooheon are left unanswered, when Jooheon is always working whenever they're able to speak to each other and always working whenever they're not. Minhyuk tries his best to hold on, because he loves him. He loves him. He loves him.

 

 

 

. . . 

 

 

 

They meet for the first time on the wooden bench of a bus stop, hands clasped around warm drinks, clad in thick, warm clothes, all shy smiles and frosted cheeks, and, well, Minhyuk's fucked. He knows from the second then when he looks at Jooheon, hears the sound of his voice and decides that he likes it a little too much like the cute dimples in his cheeks, that he's beyond fucked.

He's seen him around before. Just _around,_ and nothing more than that. They've never really exchanged words, always lingering around the same bus stop, busy with the screen of their phones and whatever is on their minds in drowsy mornings. It's the first time Minhyuk has ever actually looked at him.

"You must be a trainee," he says, quietly, resting his crutches against the little space between them.

Jooheon slightly jumps at the words, as if Minhyuk had ripped through the constant silence between them. He smiles once his lips pull away from a steaming cup smelling of chocolate, genuine and bright. Minhyuk scrutinizes the wavy, blond hair underneath the hood of a wool coat, the way his brown eyes take in his face. "A trainee?" Jooheon repeats with another small sip from his cup. "How'd you know?"

"I see you get off on the stop near a company," he shrugs. "It was just something I'd been wondering. Whether you were a trainee or not."

"Oh," a chuckle escapes his lips, "you're pretty observant."

Not really, but Minhyuk gives him a nod, anyway. "So, why do you come over here? Are you a student?"

"No," Jooheon replies, seemingly hesitant with his response, "I dropped out. It's easier for me with training and everything. What about you?"

"I'm in college. My first year," Minhyuk tells him. He crosses his legs and absently turns himself a little more towards him. "Do you have a specific position you're training for, or anything? I don't know how becoming an idol works."

Jooheon laughs. "Um, I'm a rapper."

"Ah," he smiles, "I can see it!"

"I look like a rapper?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Minhyuk chuckles. "Your eyes look like a rapper. Don't ask."

"Hm, I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is a compliment," he quickly tells him. "You're really cute."

"Don't say that," Jooheon suddenly groans. He shakes his head at his cup and takes a long swig. 

"Why? Does calling you cute demolish your rapper dignity?"

"No," he snorts, a hand pushing through his hair, "it's just — I can't hear that from you."

Minhyuk curiously lifts his brows at this. "And why not?"

"You'll just distract me."

Minhyuk smiles, questioningly cocking his head. He thinks he understands now, though. A little, at least.

"I think you're cute, kind of?" Jooheon explains with uncertainty. Minhyuk chuckles, eyes widening, and Jooheon quickly looks away to the frosted grass with flushed cheeks. "I've been trying to avoid you, because if I talked to you, I might like you."

It's quite shocking to just hear that from someone you've barely spoken to. Minhyuk hasn't even felt Jooheon's name on his tongue yet, but he doesn't exactly feel awkward. Not at all, really. It seems to be something expected, as if he'd known in the end they'd end up on this bench in the middle of winter together, sheepish and blush-stained cheeks, although he's never really thought of Jooheon.

"Well, damn," Minhyuk chuckles. "Is it normal for you to fall in love with people you don't know?"

"I'm not in love with you," he sighs behind his cup. "I can't even like you. I don't need any distractions right now."

"I understand." Minhyuk looks into the steam rising from his coffee and softly blows at it. "But maybe I do."

Jooheon bites at his smile.

 

 

 

. . .  

 

 

 

 

It's take a while for Jooheon to finally release something, but the wait is worth it. Just as much as he'd thought it to be. Minhyuk is a proud, teary-eyed boyfriend from behind his laptop screen **—** the only form of light in his room—finally watching all the hard work that Jooheon has put getting his music out. All the caffeine, tears, frustration turned into something amazing, as Minhyuk had assured him it would.

"Jooheon-ah!" he gushes once the YouTube video ends. He's beaming, squinting at Jooheon's nervous smile on the screen of his phone. "That video was awesome!"

"You think so?" he grins. Minhyuk can't see his face that well with it swallowed by the hood of a grey hoodie, but by the way Jooheon grips at his cheeks, smile widening, he can tell that he's blushing. "I'm nervous to see what the media will think. What if I'm really not that good?"

"You're good, idiot," Minhyuk tells him with a small laugh. "You're so good. It's unbelievable, almost."

A lump is in his throat suddenly. Jooheon whines when Minhyuk lifts a wrist to wipe at the tears filling his eyes. 

"Hyung, don't cry," the younger boy pleads. "If I start crying again, it's going to be gross."

"I'm just really proud of you," he tries to tell him, but his voice cracks, breaths quivering as he tries to inhale. A shaky laugh falls from his lips, hands pushing into his face and running through the strands of his tousled hair. "You been working so hard to get here even since you were a teenager, and now you're signed under such a good record label and just released a fucking music video. It's just — surreal. I never doubted that you would get here even once, you know?"

"I know," Jooheon instantly nods. "That's why I'm actually getting somewhere. I have someone who has always believed in me."

Just those words have Minhyuk's eyes flowing. He laughs a little at himself, tears dripping from his chin and slipping through the cracks of his fingers. "You're going to do so well, Jooheon-ah. I'm playing this at my boutique every day."

"People will get tired of me," he chuckles.

"No one will get tired of you! Let me be happy to have a super talented boyfriend for at least _one_ second!" 

Slowly, Jooheon's lips widen into a smile. He sheepishly pushes his hoodie further into his face. "You really think people will like me."

"I know that people will like you," Minhyuk corrects with a sniff. His breaths are more silent, more stable. He wipes at his face. "I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah?"

"Just don't forget this loser when you're rich and collaborating with people who are cooler than me," he tells him.

"Of course," Jooheon promises with a laugh. Minhyuk watches as he crawls under the covers of his bed, cupping a hand under his chin and staring at Minhyuk on the screen of his phone, something far away in his eyes that sparkles. "You're my loser, hyung. I'll never forget about you."

The older boy only beams. Jooheon pulls his hoodie from over his head and tosses it somewhere, sinking half of his body further into the sheets of his bed and fluttering his eyes closed. It's for a few minutes that he lies there unmoving. Minhyuk's glad that after all of his hard work he can finally catch some sleep. But, eventually, Jooheon exhales a sharp breath and slowly opens his eyes, looking into the screen again.

"Hyung," he calls, voice soft, "move in with me."

Minhyuk blinks. "What?"

"Come to Atlanta to be with me, hyung."

"I," his tongue swipes at his lips, slowly, nervously, "I don't know what to say."

"Say yes," Jooheon easily tells him. His small hand slips under his chin again. "I miss you so much. We could start our lives here together."

"We started our lives in Seoul, Jooheon-ah," Minhyuk declines with a slow shake of his head. "Or, at least, I did. I've never even left Korea before. Why — _Atlanta?_ Did you really think —"

"The idea isn't as crazy as it seems," he tells him with a laugh, although Minhyuk has a feeling that he's offended him. Jooheon seems less tired, full of more words to offer, even sitting up a little more on the bed and picking up the phone into his hand. "We're a couple, so we should be together. I can barely see you, or hear your voice, with how busy my schedule is nowadays, but here—in Atlanta—we could see each other so much. I could get a bigger bed, and we'd stay here until I get enough sales and perform enough to get us a house. I think that it's something you should at least think about."

"No."

Jooheon stares at him, and then furrows his brows in confusion. "No?"

"No," Minhyuk states with much more certainty. "Jooheon-ah, my life is here. In Seoul. My family and friends are here, and things are actually starting up with the boutique. I'm sorry. I can't just suddenly drop everything and leave."

They fall into another silence. Jooheon bites at his lips, and the space between them suddenly is so palpable. So real, so _there,_ that Minhyuk feels as if there's a hand around his throat, tightening, trapping all of his air.

"I'm going to sleep," Jooheon finally decides.

Minhyuk frowns at this. "Jooheon-ah, no. I'm not letting you go to sleep mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm just tired, hyung." A sigh pushes from his lips, long and exasperated, as he carefully falls back onto a single pillow. "I'm tired of this distance. I'm tired of this stupid timezone that fucks us over. I'm tired of the fact I haven't even touched you for ten fucking months now. I just thought — I don't know, it was just a dumb fucking idea, all right?"

Minhyuk isn't sure what to do. His lips tremble, teeth quickly catching them. "I'm sorry, Jooheon-ah."

"I know." His voice softens, instantly, and the way his face seems to crumble Minhyuk's afraid that Jooheon might cry.

"I love you more than anything."

"I know." His lips twitch before he smiles at him. Small, but seeming to mean so much. "I love you more than anything, too."

Minhyuk puckers his lips, and Jooheon chuckles, bringing his phone closer so that his pink mouth takes up most of the screen in a returned kiss. He grins once he pulls away with Minhyuk pouting at him. "I wish that you were here so I could kiss those perfect lips," he groans.

"Yeah?" Jooheon rests on his back and looks up at him. "What else would you do if I were there?"

"I'd cuddle you," he easily replies, the mere thought bringing a smile to his lips. "I'd wrap my arms around you, put your head on my chest, and play with your hair. I'd just kiss you like I've been wanting to for all this time until you're tired of me. Your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, and of course your lips. I miss your lips so much."

"I miss your lips, too," Jooheon says in a murmur. He yawns, sleep pooling in his eyelids, and Minhyuk's heart drops even before he speaks. "Hyung, the sun is beginning to rise now. I really should try to get some sleep."

"Okay."

"Do you not want me to hang up?"

"It's okay," he says, waving a clipboard at the screen. "I have a little more work to do. We can talk when you wake up again."

"Okay," Jooheon smiles at him, eyes squinting, and fills Minhyuk's phone of pretty pink once again with another pretend peck, "good night."

"Good night," Minhyuk repeats. "Sleep well. Good rappers have to be well-rested."

"Right," he laughs. Minhyuk pushes his lips into another kissy face and ends the call, lying onto his stomach with two arms folding underneath his chin.

He misses him already. He always does. Every little strand of happiness sprouting inside of him gone. Plucked. One by one. 

But this is just how things are right now, and Minhyuk will spend all of his life sat here, lonely and waiting for Jooheon, because he loves him. He loves him with all his heart, and he knows that Jooheon loves him even without the words having to be told. They love each other so much that Minhyuk just knows. He _knows._ He'll always know.

 

**Author's Note:**

> KISS ME THRU THE PHONEEEE (KISS ME THRU THE PHONE) SEE YOU WHEN I GET HOMEEEE
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated! hmu on my ~~new~~ [tumblr](https://nottechae.tumblr.com/) and my [honeypup tumblr](https://joominty.tumblr.com/)!!


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